1. Do get a web page at a cheap hosting site. Preferably a free place that will put their banners and ads all over diminishing anything you are trying to sell.
2. Do put up your own banners everywhere making it hard to navigate and hard for anyone to not get a headache just looking at the main page. After all, we don’t want them coming back.
3. Do make sure that when a visitor clicks on a link and goes to another page, they have no way of getting back to the main of your site. We want them so hopelessly lost they have no choice but to go elsewhere. We don’t want to have repeat customers, do we?
4. Make the background and text virtually the same color so that prospective visitors have to squint themselves into oblivion just to make out a letter.
5. Also be sure to make the text so small they will have to wonder if they’re actually looking at specks of dirt instead of words.
6. Don’t ever get a mailing list. We don’t want those nosy people to be able to find you or your website again, do we?
7. Do get a GIGANTIC, colorful logo or text. Make sure it spins, spits fire, dazzles, and confuses your audience. That way they will be so hypnotized they’ll forget their own name AND your website address. And speaking of web address…
8. Don’t get a short, easily remembered address. Get an address so long it will be three sentences long when put in ms word and be rejected by most search engines.
9. Under no circumstances do you submit your site to any search engines. By submitting your website you are making it too easy for people to find your business. We want them to work for it. Why should you do all the hard stuff and they just stroll in? Give them a challenge. People like that.
10. Do not ever put your website address in your email signature, on T-shirts, pens/pencils, coffee mugs, or other good advertising products. If you do that then word of mouth might start and you will have all this traffic coming onto your webpage and we are trying to avoid that aren’t we?
11. Most of all, and this is the most important, Do not tell ANYONE about your business website. It’s a secret, so treat it as one. Don’t put it in your forum signature, in your blog, in articles, or advertisements offline. That means no search engines, AdSense, AdWords, or overture. This is your secret so keep it close to your vest.
Follow all these rules and in less than 10 days you can sit and reap the sweet victory of having a failed business, no income, and no customers. Good Luck.
